


Where Did All the Wine Go?

by acas0930



Category: Christian Bible, Christian Bible (New Testament)
Genre: Bible, Biblical References, Drinking, Mary Sue, Other, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 05:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10429974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acas0930/pseuds/acas0930
Summary: The real, first-person account of what happened to all the wine at the Wedding at Cana that led Jesus to perform the miracle of turning water into wine.





	

“Why do I have to be at this stupid wedding anyway?”, I frustratedly thought to myself, watching my older cousin dance with her new groom. I was still pissed off that my mom decided to make the whole family walk for days all the way to Cana. I could be hanging out with my friends in Jerusalem or talking to that beautiful girl Alison, who lives across the street. “Why are you pouting?”, my mom shrieked at me, “You should be hanging out with all your cousins.” But nobody wants to talk to me, they are all either talking to my cousin who just got married or talking to that tall, bearded guy. I think his name is Jerome or something, but who cares no one will remember him. I walked away from the festivities and into the house. One of the servers had just left with a jug of wine and I had the whole house to myself. “It is nice to finally be able to hear myself think”, I thought, as I let out a long, exaggerated breath. Maybe now was the time to try those herbs one of the older kids at school had traded me in exchange for some shiny rocks I found in the dessert. As I got the cloth, which was carefully wrapped around the herbs, out of my pocket my eyes suddenly focused on the three full wine jugs just sitting on the floor of the kitchen. “Hmm”, I thought, “maybe I should try this first.” The last time I had wine I spat it out cause it tasted like someone had squished the juice out of grapes and waited for the juice to ferment before adding sugar to it. But I am soooo bored so I might as well try some again. This time the wine tasted extremely smooth and went down easier than water. I realized what all the hubbub was about this alcohol stuff and started drinking the wine by the handful. I finished the first jug and was about to start on the second when I felt the sudden urge to pee. I somehow navigated to the back of the house so I could relieve myself. Now came the tricky part, getting back to the kitchen to drink more. I was maneuvering the spinning halls with God-like precision when I heard someone enter the house. I clutched onto the wall trying my hardest to camouflage myself by covering my face with my shirt. It worked to perfection as the servant did not notice me and instead picked up another jug of wine and took it outside. I was sad that the servant had taken some of my nectar away from me but I realized that if I just saw the servant take some wine from the kitchen, then I must be pretty close to the kitchen. I narrowed my eyes in determination and after 15 minutes of trials and tribulations I got myself back to my last wine jug. After I had polished off that jug I again felt the need to relive myself, so I slowly started walking out of the house. But I heard someone begin to enter the house. Again, confident in my powers, I camouflaged myself against the wall. It was that servant again, looking for more wine. This time he found nothing, because I drank it all. He nervously left the kitchen and came back with my uncle. Still no one has noticed me (I am getting really good at this camouflaging thing). The servant explained to my uncle how they were two jugs of wine short and people were getting antsy. My uncle knew that he should have enough wine for the whole party. He turned in my direction and yelled “Did you drink the wine boy?” “How could he see me”, I thought to myself. I have developed a newfound respect for my uncle and his abilities to see past my camouflage. I realized that I did not answer his question and was instead dancing in a highly sexual manner in the middle of the kitchen. My uncle rose his hand to strike me but someone caught him before he could. It was that bearded guy Jeffrey again. He explained to my uncle that there was no need to get upset on such a happy day. He ordered the servant to fill the jugs with water and he waved his hands over them and muttered some words to about his father, or something, and suddenly the water turned the deepest shade of red I had ever seen. We all stood around dumbfounded by what this guy had just done. He just calmly walked by us and back out to the party. My uncle stood speechless for a few seconds but then snapped out of it and ordered the servant to take the wine out to the guests. I was really confused about what had just happened so I decided to tell my mom about it. She just smacked me in the head for drinking and ignored every other word that came out of my mouth. I tried telling my friends back in Jerusalem but they just laughed at me and called me crazy. I am not crazy. I know what I saw. I will never forget my Lord and Savior, Jared, for saving me from my sins.


End file.
